Sunday, September 5, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Treading somewhere between "a little off" and "bat shit crazy"
Ok, so I suck. It's been WAY too long since I was last here. I'm a fraud as a blogger; but the consolation is that I am just as shitty at real life. You can do one of two things here: deal with it or kiss my ass. :)
"So, what's been going on?" you ask. Although, not really, because the only person reading this blog is the one writing it. Hahaaaaa! Joke's on you, because I've set up Elena's stuffed animals and they get an exclusive preview to my fabulous insights as soon as I hit "post".
I digress. The summer included the following events (not necessarily posted in chronological order):
1. Josh & Cale came for a shorter than normal summer visit, because they were too booked to spend any more time here with me. Football camp, church camp, friend camp, texting camp. You get the picture. We had a great time while they were here, which included the zoo, swimming at Aunt Tracy's house, hanging out with their baby brother and sister and a knock-down, drag-out, snot flinging, come to Jesus meeting in which I had the pleasure of sharing with them the details of the end of my marriage to their dad and why I left Louisiana. Ugh. One of those things that needed to be done but OH MY GOD...I'd rather be scalped than go through that again.
Needless to say, things have not quite been the same, since.
2. Elena (finally) mastered tying her own shoes. Halle-FREAKIN-lujah!!!
3. Ian has been attending weekly speech therapy and doing an amazing job--we can actually understand him when he tells us to "shut up" now. So that's cool.
4. Ian (the summertime king) mastered the potty. He not only mastered it, but created a sort of P90X style potty work-out where he does push-ups off the rim of the bowl while pissing (not shitting you). There is nothing cooler than NOT having to wipe poop off a 4ft. kid's ass cheeks anymore. WOOT-WOOT!!!!
5. I have discovered a few new favorite things, that I'm using to maintain what's left of my sanity: and by sanity, I'm referring to the fine line I walk between "a little off" and "bat shit crazy". Thought I'd share...
www.lochers.com This is a site for the most twisted female. Those of us who like the finer, feminine things in life--and still want to make sure that everyone knows that a restraining order might be needed in 2.2 seconds if we are looked at the wrong way. A dear friend shared this one with me.
www.thebloggess.com Holy Shit...she's funny. You have to check her out. I've added her to my blogs I follow. The only downside is that she's forced me to increase my pantyliner budget due to the spontaneous pant-pissing that occurs when I read her blog.
Sara Bareilles-"King of Anything" Great song. Total girl power anthem. Elena & I know all the words and enjoy belting it from our rock (mini) van. Looking very forward to the rest of the album-posting the youtube video on here too.
Sex. I think that goes without saying, but since I'm writing this for just me and stuffed animals anyway...a little self reminder never hurts. A girl's got to have her "oooh, yessss" time to stay sane. LOL!
Until next time,
B~
Oh yeah! And I've gone back to college...decided to finally finish my B.S. in Nursing. Because I didn't have enough shit going on.
"So, what's been going on?" you ask. Although, not really, because the only person reading this blog is the one writing it. Hahaaaaa! Joke's on you, because I've set up Elena's stuffed animals and they get an exclusive preview to my fabulous insights as soon as I hit "post".
I digress. The summer included the following events (not necessarily posted in chronological order):
1. Josh & Cale came for a shorter than normal summer visit, because they were too booked to spend any more time here with me. Football camp, church camp, friend camp, texting camp. You get the picture. We had a great time while they were here, which included the zoo, swimming at Aunt Tracy's house, hanging out with their baby brother and sister and a knock-down, drag-out, snot flinging, come to Jesus meeting in which I had the pleasure of sharing with them the details of the end of my marriage to their dad and why I left Louisiana. Ugh. One of those things that needed to be done but OH MY GOD...I'd rather be scalped than go through that again.
Needless to say, things have not quite been the same, since.
2. Elena (finally) mastered tying her own shoes. Halle-FREAKIN-lujah!!!
3. Ian has been attending weekly speech therapy and doing an amazing job--we can actually understand him when he tells us to "shut up" now. So that's cool.
4. Ian (the summertime king) mastered the potty. He not only mastered it, but created a sort of P90X style potty work-out where he does push-ups off the rim of the bowl while pissing (not shitting you). There is nothing cooler than NOT having to wipe poop off a 4ft. kid's ass cheeks anymore. WOOT-WOOT!!!!
5. I have discovered a few new favorite things, that I'm using to maintain what's left of my sanity: and by sanity, I'm referring to the fine line I walk between "a little off" and "bat shit crazy". Thought I'd share...
www.lochers.com This is a site for the most twisted female. Those of us who like the finer, feminine things in life--and still want to make sure that everyone knows that a restraining order might be needed in 2.2 seconds if we are looked at the wrong way. A dear friend shared this one with me.
www.thebloggess.com Holy Shit...she's funny. You have to check her out. I've added her to my blogs I follow. The only downside is that she's forced me to increase my pantyliner budget due to the spontaneous pant-pissing that occurs when I read her blog.
Sara Bareilles-"King of Anything" Great song. Total girl power anthem. Elena & I know all the words and enjoy belting it from our rock (mini) van. Looking very forward to the rest of the album-posting the youtube video on here too.
Sex. I think that goes without saying, but since I'm writing this for just me and stuffed animals anyway...a little self reminder never hurts. A girl's got to have her "oooh, yessss" time to stay sane. LOL!
Until next time,
B~
Oh yeah! And I've gone back to college...decided to finally finish my B.S. in Nursing. Because I didn't have enough shit going on.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
When I grow up...
My daughter's on a kick--
"When I grow up, I'm going to be..."
Her list has included everything from astronaut to veterinarian; actress to rock star. Somewhere in that list, she wants to be "a mommy like you."
Most mothers' hearts would burst with joy at the sound of that--that my daughter is so happy with my role as her mom, that she'd want the same thing for herself. It's either that, or I'm screwing up royally and she wants to do better than me.
I always knew that I wanted to be a mother. The first time I got married, I was eighteen years old. I believed it was the right thing to do, because it seemed like my only opportunity to live a truly good life. I married a young preacher and set off on a mission to change the world. We started strong, or so I thought. By the age of twenty, Josh was born and then Cale just two years later. By twenty-four, I had accomplished more than I ever thought; I owned a growing business, had two beautiful kids, a successfull pastor as a husband--but I was absolutely miserable.
I couldn't put a finger on why until a few years later; but I was so sad, lonely, frustrated and fearful that it just ate me up inside. By the time I was twenty-five, deception, heartbreak and despair set in full force. Our marriage ended and I couldn't deal with anything, so I could only assume that suicide was my only option. Better for everyone around me (including my boys) if their crazy mother wasn't around to ruin their lives. I failed in my follow through...thank God.
Fast forward a hospital stay and a few years later; and I was married again, in control of my depression and anxiety, had two more beautiful children (including my only girl) and my life was still falling apart. Before we ever reached our 6th wedding anniversary, marriage #2 was over.
Thanks to the love and support of really good friends, my mother and brother, and a lot of time alone to think about my choices and what would happen next; I found myself quite at peace with my decisions. I slept well, felt strong and secure in my own skin for the first time in years. Don't misunderstand me...it hurt like hell. Failures like that (twice) take time to get over; crap, I'm still getting over them. But I realized that I could be happy & healthy without another person telling me I was. I could look in the mirror and be okay with the woman & mother I was. My life was nowhere near ideal, but I was content and safe; all four of my kids were in healthy environments and as a mother, I couldn't ask for more than that.
It was then, that I fell in love with my best friend.
So here I am, almost thirty-four and very happy. Jason and I are committed to ourselves, each other & our family. Sometimes, I wish that the kids only ever saw this time in my life--no drama, not heartache in their parents' eyes. But other times...I think that maybe they are lucky to witness certain parts of this. I've decided to always be honest with them, to answer their questions with care and tenderness. I truly believe with everything I am, that if my parents had done this with me--just been honest about how things really were and could be--I could've been spared a little bit of the struggle. I believe that my own kids will make the right decisions in their own lives.
So when Elena says she wants to follow in my footsteps, I tell her that she will be a wonderful mommy. I tell her that someday, she'll fall in love and have a family of her own; but until then, I tell her to love herself, her God and those around her first. I remind her not to be in such a hurry to grow up; that everything comes in it's own time. And that, when it does, it's very well worth the wait.
"When I grow up, I'm going to be..."
Her list has included everything from astronaut to veterinarian; actress to rock star. Somewhere in that list, she wants to be "a mommy like you."
Most mothers' hearts would burst with joy at the sound of that--that my daughter is so happy with my role as her mom, that she'd want the same thing for herself. It's either that, or I'm screwing up royally and she wants to do better than me.
I always knew that I wanted to be a mother. The first time I got married, I was eighteen years old. I believed it was the right thing to do, because it seemed like my only opportunity to live a truly good life. I married a young preacher and set off on a mission to change the world. We started strong, or so I thought. By the age of twenty, Josh was born and then Cale just two years later. By twenty-four, I had accomplished more than I ever thought; I owned a growing business, had two beautiful kids, a successfull pastor as a husband--but I was absolutely miserable.
I couldn't put a finger on why until a few years later; but I was so sad, lonely, frustrated and fearful that it just ate me up inside. By the time I was twenty-five, deception, heartbreak and despair set in full force. Our marriage ended and I couldn't deal with anything, so I could only assume that suicide was my only option. Better for everyone around me (including my boys) if their crazy mother wasn't around to ruin their lives. I failed in my follow through...thank God.
Fast forward a hospital stay and a few years later; and I was married again, in control of my depression and anxiety, had two more beautiful children (including my only girl) and my life was still falling apart. Before we ever reached our 6th wedding anniversary, marriage #2 was over.
Thanks to the love and support of really good friends, my mother and brother, and a lot of time alone to think about my choices and what would happen next; I found myself quite at peace with my decisions. I slept well, felt strong and secure in my own skin for the first time in years. Don't misunderstand me...it hurt like hell. Failures like that (twice) take time to get over; crap, I'm still getting over them. But I realized that I could be happy & healthy without another person telling me I was. I could look in the mirror and be okay with the woman & mother I was. My life was nowhere near ideal, but I was content and safe; all four of my kids were in healthy environments and as a mother, I couldn't ask for more than that.
It was then, that I fell in love with my best friend.
So here I am, almost thirty-four and very happy. Jason and I are committed to ourselves, each other & our family. Sometimes, I wish that the kids only ever saw this time in my life--no drama, not heartache in their parents' eyes. But other times...I think that maybe they are lucky to witness certain parts of this. I've decided to always be honest with them, to answer their questions with care and tenderness. I truly believe with everything I am, that if my parents had done this with me--just been honest about how things really were and could be--I could've been spared a little bit of the struggle. I believe that my own kids will make the right decisions in their own lives.
So when Elena says she wants to follow in my footsteps, I tell her that she will be a wonderful mommy. I tell her that someday, she'll fall in love and have a family of her own; but until then, I tell her to love herself, her God and those around her first. I remind her not to be in such a hurry to grow up; that everything comes in it's own time. And that, when it does, it's very well worth the wait.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
10 lbs of $h!t in a 5 lb bag...
We have a small house. We lovingly call it our cottage; when what we mean is "Can you please hurry up in the bathroom? It's my turn!"
I'm a fairly simple girl and don't need much. I take great pride in my home; cleaning it like a lunatic weekly and nagging the rest of the family to clean up after themselves daily. I love my little house, I really do. In fact, when we left it behind for a few months to live in Jason's MUCH bigger (more expensive) house; the novelty of the extra space got old quite quickly as it just gave us more room to make a mess. "No thank you," say I, to the extra work.
BUT...when the boys are here from their dad's house in Louisiana, there are six of us in a 2.5 bedroom/1 bath house. Yes, you're smiling now, I can feel it; because you know where I'm going with this. We are all over each other. Add to that, our two rather large dogs, and you're lucky to find a place to sit, stand or sleep if you're not quick about it.
I adore the chaos (my kids would totally disagree with me on this one, but it's true), because it means that my entire family is together and that is bliss for me. What I do not adore, is my anal retentive nature during these weeks as it makes me and everyone around me miserable. And the more I see them in the house (i.e. teenage boys playing XBox360 all day or my daughter with her dollhouse furniture everywhere) the more "retained" I become. LOL! So, unfortunately, for my reader(s) ;-) I am venting it here.
Everyone who knows me, knows that I have a gift for shoving 10lbs of crap in a 5lb bag and doing it with charm; but we're beginning to tip the scales a bit. Oh well, at least the mortgage payment is small enough that it still affords this single income household the ability to get OUT every now and then. (zoo pics posted)
Until next time.
b~
I'm a fairly simple girl and don't need much. I take great pride in my home; cleaning it like a lunatic weekly and nagging the rest of the family to clean up after themselves daily. I love my little house, I really do. In fact, when we left it behind for a few months to live in Jason's MUCH bigger (more expensive) house; the novelty of the extra space got old quite quickly as it just gave us more room to make a mess. "No thank you," say I, to the extra work.
BUT...when the boys are here from their dad's house in Louisiana, there are six of us in a 2.5 bedroom/1 bath house. Yes, you're smiling now, I can feel it; because you know where I'm going with this. We are all over each other. Add to that, our two rather large dogs, and you're lucky to find a place to sit, stand or sleep if you're not quick about it.
I adore the chaos (my kids would totally disagree with me on this one, but it's true), because it means that my entire family is together and that is bliss for me. What I do not adore, is my anal retentive nature during these weeks as it makes me and everyone around me miserable. And the more I see them in the house (i.e. teenage boys playing XBox360 all day or my daughter with her dollhouse furniture everywhere) the more "retained" I become. LOL! So, unfortunately, for my reader(s) ;-) I am venting it here.
Everyone who knows me, knows that I have a gift for shoving 10lbs of crap in a 5lb bag and doing it with charm; but we're beginning to tip the scales a bit. Oh well, at least the mortgage payment is small enough that it still affords this single income household the ability to get OUT every now and then. (zoo pics posted)
Until next time.
b~
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