"For every time there is a season and time for every matter under heaven."
Today has been a day. I have dropped off my youngest children to my (2nd) ex-husband, texted with my second youngest son Cale via his new cell phone. I've also spoken with my older step-brother whom I've not spoken to in over 8 years. And did I mention that my newest FB page has proven to be a place of "finding middle ground" among women from many different places, age groups and cultures? Wow.
Let me just say this; I have wondered for years what the "F" I was doing here. Here=this life.
It's been a trip. Not the figurative, emotional type...literally, a physical trip from place to place: parent to parent: spouse to spouse type of trip. So here I am, fat & not so happy, but working on it. And deciding to invite the world to watch as I figure it out.
The funny thing is...holy shit...the world seems to be responding.
I was born with the desire to help others. It's what I do best. Wanna know why?
Because helping others deters from my need to help myself.
Wanna know what's different now?
I've asked the "others" to hold me accountable for helping myself.
From my mother to my friends, to my gay step-brother in Cali who's decided to forgive me for my jackassness from the bottom of his heart. Yep. All the way down to those who could care less if I just dropped off the face of the earth completely.
Go ahead. Give it your best and your worst. But I'm not going ANYWHERE. I'm not scared of me or you anymore.
Gotta go wipe my nose now.
LY!
b~
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Nothing better than happy & fat dysfunctional supermoms!!!
Ok, so maybe we're not so happy and not so "fat" but whatever. F@*k it. Either way, we're committed. So there.
I've decided that being "morbidly obese" is not my cup of tea. Although, let me just say for the record, that all the research I've done shows that the classifications of obesity are based mainly on waist size and I have a fairly small waist for my 199 lbs. so therefore I say "BULLSHIT" to the classifications. It is my ASS that's obese and my boobs that need the personal training. My overall classification is FINE. Thanks for playing!
Anyway...I saw a video of myself taken at the beach last night. Not in a swimsuit. That would have to be done over my dead body. No, really. Literally. The mortician would have to stage my body in the bathing suit after the embalming fluids were processed; because my fat ass in a swimsuit is not something I (or anyone else in the free world, who still maintains their vision) would ever want to see.
I was in jeans, and dear God...that was enough for me. You know what's worse than a fat chick on the beach? A fat chick with a bad, short haircut on the beach. OMG, people. It was so bad, all I could do was laugh. And start a new FB page.
The Dysfunctional Supermom Weight Loss Support Group.
yep...there you go.
How do we deal with morbid obesity? With sick & twisted humor...oh yeah...and bitchiness. It's just what we do. It's a gift. Hate the giver, not the recipient.
Anwyay. So here I am, putting on my big girl panties and dealing with it and putting myself on a 90 day challenge (no Starbucks...can you say 5 years probation anyone?). But I have friends. Ah yes, you seem shocked.
Is that because my FB page has more fans than my thought out blog? 3 friends, in fact. That's 3 more than I have here. How 'bout them apples?!
Anyway...my personal goal is amazingly NOT to lose 180 of the 199 lbs I'm carrying. It's to lose 30 lbs by Christmas by exercising 4x per week and by starving myself until I'm retarded. Yeah, that's the ticket. I'll be too weak to put food in my mouth.
That's got to be some Hollywood fad diet, right?
I've decided that being "morbidly obese" is not my cup of tea. Although, let me just say for the record, that all the research I've done shows that the classifications of obesity are based mainly on waist size and I have a fairly small waist for my 199 lbs. so therefore I say "BULLSHIT" to the classifications. It is my ASS that's obese and my boobs that need the personal training. My overall classification is FINE. Thanks for playing!
Anyway...I saw a video of myself taken at the beach last night. Not in a swimsuit. That would have to be done over my dead body. No, really. Literally. The mortician would have to stage my body in the bathing suit after the embalming fluids were processed; because my fat ass in a swimsuit is not something I (or anyone else in the free world, who still maintains their vision) would ever want to see.
I was in jeans, and dear God...that was enough for me. You know what's worse than a fat chick on the beach? A fat chick with a bad, short haircut on the beach. OMG, people. It was so bad, all I could do was laugh. And start a new FB page.
The Dysfunctional Supermom Weight Loss Support Group.
yep...there you go.
How do we deal with morbid obesity? With sick & twisted humor...oh yeah...and bitchiness. It's just what we do. It's a gift. Hate the giver, not the recipient.
Anwyay. So here I am, putting on my big girl panties and dealing with it and putting myself on a 90 day challenge (no Starbucks...can you say 5 years probation anyone?). But I have friends. Ah yes, you seem shocked.
Is that because my FB page has more fans than my thought out blog? 3 friends, in fact. That's 3 more than I have here. How 'bout them apples?!
Anyway...my personal goal is amazingly NOT to lose 180 of the 199 lbs I'm carrying. It's to lose 30 lbs by Christmas by exercising 4x per week and by starving myself until I'm retarded. Yeah, that's the ticket. I'll be too weak to put food in my mouth.
That's got to be some Hollywood fad diet, right?
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Treading somewhere between "a little off" and "bat shit crazy"
Ok, so I suck. It's been WAY too long since I was last here. I'm a fraud as a blogger; but the consolation is that I am just as shitty at real life. You can do one of two things here: deal with it or kiss my ass. :)
"So, what's been going on?" you ask. Although, not really, because the only person reading this blog is the one writing it. Hahaaaaa! Joke's on you, because I've set up Elena's stuffed animals and they get an exclusive preview to my fabulous insights as soon as I hit "post".
I digress. The summer included the following events (not necessarily posted in chronological order):
1. Josh & Cale came for a shorter than normal summer visit, because they were too booked to spend any more time here with me. Football camp, church camp, friend camp, texting camp. You get the picture. We had a great time while they were here, which included the zoo, swimming at Aunt Tracy's house, hanging out with their baby brother and sister and a knock-down, drag-out, snot flinging, come to Jesus meeting in which I had the pleasure of sharing with them the details of the end of my marriage to their dad and why I left Louisiana. Ugh. One of those things that needed to be done but OH MY GOD...I'd rather be scalped than go through that again.
Needless to say, things have not quite been the same, since.
2. Elena (finally) mastered tying her own shoes. Halle-FREAKIN-lujah!!!
3. Ian has been attending weekly speech therapy and doing an amazing job--we can actually understand him when he tells us to "shut up" now. So that's cool.
4. Ian (the summertime king) mastered the potty. He not only mastered it, but created a sort of P90X style potty work-out where he does push-ups off the rim of the bowl while pissing (not shitting you). There is nothing cooler than NOT having to wipe poop off a 4ft. kid's ass cheeks anymore. WOOT-WOOT!!!!
5. I have discovered a few new favorite things, that I'm using to maintain what's left of my sanity: and by sanity, I'm referring to the fine line I walk between "a little off" and "bat shit crazy". Thought I'd share...
www.lochers.com This is a site for the most twisted female. Those of us who like the finer, feminine things in life--and still want to make sure that everyone knows that a restraining order might be needed in 2.2 seconds if we are looked at the wrong way. A dear friend shared this one with me.
www.thebloggess.com Holy Shit...she's funny. You have to check her out. I've added her to my blogs I follow. The only downside is that she's forced me to increase my pantyliner budget due to the spontaneous pant-pissing that occurs when I read her blog.
Sara Bareilles-"King of Anything" Great song. Total girl power anthem. Elena & I know all the words and enjoy belting it from our rock (mini) van. Looking very forward to the rest of the album-posting the youtube video on here too.
Sex. I think that goes without saying, but since I'm writing this for just me and stuffed animals anyway...a little self reminder never hurts. A girl's got to have her "oooh, yessss" time to stay sane. LOL!
Until next time,
B~
Oh yeah! And I've gone back to college...decided to finally finish my B.S. in Nursing. Because I didn't have enough shit going on.
"So, what's been going on?" you ask. Although, not really, because the only person reading this blog is the one writing it. Hahaaaaa! Joke's on you, because I've set up Elena's stuffed animals and they get an exclusive preview to my fabulous insights as soon as I hit "post".
I digress. The summer included the following events (not necessarily posted in chronological order):
1. Josh & Cale came for a shorter than normal summer visit, because they were too booked to spend any more time here with me. Football camp, church camp, friend camp, texting camp. You get the picture. We had a great time while they were here, which included the zoo, swimming at Aunt Tracy's house, hanging out with their baby brother and sister and a knock-down, drag-out, snot flinging, come to Jesus meeting in which I had the pleasure of sharing with them the details of the end of my marriage to their dad and why I left Louisiana. Ugh. One of those things that needed to be done but OH MY GOD...I'd rather be scalped than go through that again.
Needless to say, things have not quite been the same, since.
2. Elena (finally) mastered tying her own shoes. Halle-FREAKIN-lujah!!!
3. Ian has been attending weekly speech therapy and doing an amazing job--we can actually understand him when he tells us to "shut up" now. So that's cool.
4. Ian (the summertime king) mastered the potty. He not only mastered it, but created a sort of P90X style potty work-out where he does push-ups off the rim of the bowl while pissing (not shitting you). There is nothing cooler than NOT having to wipe poop off a 4ft. kid's ass cheeks anymore. WOOT-WOOT!!!!
5. I have discovered a few new favorite things, that I'm using to maintain what's left of my sanity: and by sanity, I'm referring to the fine line I walk between "a little off" and "bat shit crazy". Thought I'd share...
www.lochers.com This is a site for the most twisted female. Those of us who like the finer, feminine things in life--and still want to make sure that everyone knows that a restraining order might be needed in 2.2 seconds if we are looked at the wrong way. A dear friend shared this one with me.
www.thebloggess.com Holy Shit...she's funny. You have to check her out. I've added her to my blogs I follow. The only downside is that she's forced me to increase my pantyliner budget due to the spontaneous pant-pissing that occurs when I read her blog.
Sara Bareilles-"King of Anything" Great song. Total girl power anthem. Elena & I know all the words and enjoy belting it from our rock (mini) van. Looking very forward to the rest of the album-posting the youtube video on here too.
Sex. I think that goes without saying, but since I'm writing this for just me and stuffed animals anyway...a little self reminder never hurts. A girl's got to have her "oooh, yessss" time to stay sane. LOL!
Until next time,
B~
Oh yeah! And I've gone back to college...decided to finally finish my B.S. in Nursing. Because I didn't have enough shit going on.
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