Friday, September 3, 2010

Treading somewhere between "a little off" and "bat shit crazy"

Ok, so I suck. It's been WAY too long since I was last here. I'm a fraud as a blogger; but the consolation is that I am just as shitty at real life. You can do one of two things here: deal with it or kiss my ass. :)

"So, what's been going on?" you ask. Although, not really, because the only person reading this blog is the one writing it. Hahaaaaa! Joke's on you, because I've set up Elena's stuffed animals and they get an exclusive preview to my fabulous insights as soon as I hit "post".

I digress. The summer included the following events (not necessarily posted in chronological order):

1. Josh & Cale came for a shorter than normal summer visit, because they were too booked to spend any more time here with me. Football camp, church camp, friend camp, texting camp. You get the picture. We had a great time while they were here, which included the zoo, swimming at Aunt Tracy's house, hanging out with their baby brother and sister and a knock-down, drag-out, snot flinging, come to Jesus meeting in which I had the pleasure of sharing with them the details of the end of my marriage to their dad and why I left Louisiana. Ugh. One of those things that needed to be done but OH MY GOD...I'd rather be scalped than go through that again.

Needless to say, things have not quite been the same, since.

2. Elena (finally) mastered tying her own shoes. Halle-FREAKIN-lujah!!!

3. Ian has been attending weekly speech therapy and doing an amazing job--we can actually understand him when he tells us to "shut up" now. So that's cool.

4. Ian (the summertime king) mastered the potty. He not only mastered it, but created a sort of P90X style potty work-out where he does push-ups off the rim of the bowl while pissing (not shitting you). There is nothing cooler than NOT having to wipe poop off a 4ft. kid's ass cheeks anymore. WOOT-WOOT!!!!

5. I have discovered a few new favorite things, that I'm using to maintain what's left of my sanity: and by sanity, I'm referring to the fine line I walk between "a little off" and "bat shit crazy". Thought I'd share... This is a site for the most twisted female. Those of us who like the finer, feminine things in life--and still want to make sure that everyone knows that a restraining order might be needed in 2.2 seconds if we are looked at the wrong way. A dear friend shared this one with me. Holy Shit...she's funny. You have to check her out. I've added her to my blogs I follow. The only downside is that she's forced me to increase my pantyliner budget due to the spontaneous pant-pissing that occurs when I read her blog.

Sara Bareilles-"King of Anything" Great song. Total girl power anthem. Elena & I know all the words and enjoy belting it from our rock (mini) van. Looking very forward to the rest of the album-posting the youtube video on here too.

Sex. I think that goes without saying, but since I'm writing this for just me and stuffed animals anyway...a little self reminder never hurts. A girl's got to have her "oooh, yessss" time to stay sane. LOL!

Until next time,


Oh yeah! And I've gone back to college...decided to finally finish my B.S. in Nursing. Because I didn't have enough shit going on.

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