Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Shut Your Pie Hole! (And other appropriate ways to say "I love you".)

(photo from Perpetually Peeved)

I'm in the middle of trying to convince Saint Jason to start his own blog. He's a pretty fart smeller and, no doubt, has a shit ton of fabulous things to say about yours truly. However, like most men, he must be stroked and fondled into doing what it is asked of him. All my male readers ( have some, hooray!) know exactly what I'm talking about. A little "cup & tickle" will get a girl a very long way in getting what she wants. What I now realize, that I didn't know when I was 20 (or 25) is that you know it! You are just as manipulative as we are and you do this shit on purpose. Well, I'm on to you Saint Jason!

I even have a few suggestions for possible blog titles: here you are babe. You can thank me later.

Saint Jason: Chronicles of A Step dad in Training
(You could make a whole word play thing off the C.A.S.T. Awesome, right?!)

Black Belts & Blue Balls--Karate, A Dysfunctional Girlfriend, Step fatherhood & Other Shit
(This is my favorite so far due to the obvious.)

Shut Your Pie Hole & Other Appropriate Ways to Say "I Love You"
aka: A guide to living with a dysfunctional supermom & her four much more functional kids who just happen to have two different baby daddies.
(Ok, so this one is by far the longest, but probably the most accurate to your life right now. Another excellent front runner.)

Of course, he could decide not to write about me or the kids at all; but that would be bullshit and would lead back to the whole black belts & blue balls theme and he'd end up doing it anyway, so it's circular logic. Hahaa!

Seriously, though, if Saint Jason doesn't begin writing soon, I may have to split personalities again and create a male alter ego that does the writing for him. You think this blog is bad? You ain't seen nothin' yet!


Cottongirl7 said...

Good luck. My husband still doesn't understand why I have my own blog. Of course, I think in a given day he is able to use up all of his words at work, where most of mine just tumble around in my head until I write them somewhere during naptime. It could be really fun to write a blog for him though, it may just piss him off enough to start writing his own. :)

Brandi C. said...

That's all men, I think. I read or heard somewhere (probably in some church marriage retreat trying to convince me to keep my mouth shut) that average adult uses approximately 15,000 words a day. WHAT?!
I'm with you, most of that crap stays stored up all day until Saint Jason gets home and I freakin' EXPLODE! So much for those retreats. ;-)

Doc said...

Huh? What do we men know? I think you are giving us too much credit...

do you think she's buying it guys?

Brandi C. said..., Doc. I'm not buying it one damn bit!

Nice try, though! ;-)

Scott Riddick said...

You Cup AND tickle??? God, I am so jealous. I have to jab a syringe full of night-night into my wife's neck, just to keep her still...

Brandi C. said...

Well, of course! What's the point of keeping a pair in your handbag if you never play with them? Duh.

Brandi C. said... totally worked too, because he started writing.