Saturday, September 11, 2010

Ecclesiastes 3:1

"For every time there is a season and time for every matter under heaven."

Today has been a day. I have dropped off my youngest children to my (2nd) ex-husband, texted with my second youngest son Cale via his new cell phone. I've also spoken with my older step-brother whom I've not spoken to in over 8 years. And did I mention that my newest FB page has proven to be a place of "finding middle ground" among women from many different places, age groups and cultures? Wow.

Let me just say this; I have wondered for years what the "F" I was doing here. Here=this life.

It's been a trip. Not the figurative, emotional type...literally, a physical trip from place to place: parent to parent: spouse to spouse type of trip. So here I am, fat & not so happy, but working on it. And deciding to invite the world to watch as I figure it out.

The funny thing is...holy shit...the world seems to be responding.

I was born with the desire to help others. It's what I do best. Wanna know why?

Because helping others deters from my need to help myself.

Wanna know what's different now?

I've asked the "others" to hold me accountable for helping myself.

From my mother to my friends, to my gay step-brother in Cali who's decided to forgive me for my jackassness from the bottom of his heart. Yep. All the way down to those who could care less if I just dropped off the face of the earth completely.

Go ahead. Give it your best and your worst. But I'm not going ANYWHERE. I'm not scared of me or you anymore.

Gotta go wipe my nose now.



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